HOW TO DEAL WITH DISHONEST PEOPLE

 what should you do if you discover that someone—a coworker, a roommate, or especially a loved one—has been dishonest with you? 

1. Resist the urge to let it slide. Ignoring devious behavior will only perpetuate unhealthy patterns. Staying silent will not honor yourself and won’t do anything to help the disingenuous person.

2. Weigh the impact. Ask yourself how the dishonest behavior has affected you. Every deceitful “transaction” costs you something. What was it?

3. Ponder your wisest approach. Before you move into action (or fly off the handle), take a deep breath and consider your options. A knee-jerk response may inflame an already heated situation.

4. Address the behavior. It’s best to stay focused on the actions—what was done and how it affected you. Finger-pointing and accusing, even if deserved, will put the person on the defensive and stifle any constructive conversation.

5. Ask direct questions. If you suspect someone has lied or manipulated, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t drop the matter until you are satisfied with the answers.

6. Reject “minimalism.” Some people try to minimize dishonest behavior by trying to pass it off as a little white lie, a fib, or insisting it’s no big deal. Deceitful actions ARE a big deal and shouldn’t be shrugged off.

7. Determine if the person is willing to come clean. When confronted, lots of people try to cover it up with another lie, and then another. Damaged trust can be restored only when the person takes responsibility for his/her actions.

8. Get a second opinion. Those who traffic in untruths are masters of misdirection and misperception, leaving you thoroughly confused. Ask a trusted friend or counselor for a reality check so you can separate lies from truth.

9. Honor your instincts. Give yourself permission to respond in the way you feel is best. If you have doubts and misgivings about someone’s trustworthiness, listen closely to what your heart and head are telling you.

10. Refuse to be the scapegoat. Dishonest people will sometimes try to turn the tables and make you out to be the one with the problem, saying that you’re overreacting and reading into things. Don’t play along with that kind of manipulation.

11. Make your boundaries clear and hold to them. The best way to avoid future problems is to be direct and straightforward about your expectations.

12. Understand that dishonesty is usually not a one-time thing. Often, a person who will deceive you once will deceive you again.

13. Don’t become enmeshed. This means becoming overinvolved or overly responsible for the other person. You might be tempted to try to “fix” the situation. But you can only control your own actions.

14. Tell yourself the truth. Sometimes the best way to deal with a dishonest person is to make sure YOU are completely honest. Even if the other person does not know or care about your dedication to truthfulness, you will know and be proud of your integrity.

15. If all else fails, distance yourself from the deceiver. When you realize the other person is not willing to shoot straight with you and won’t take responsibility, there’s little chance trust can be regained. So walk away. If this means ending a dating relationship, so be it–there are too many good, honest people in the world to get yourself tangled up with someone who is dishonest with you.

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YOU THINK MULTIPLE DATING IS BAD?

Just like dress shopping, you try on a lot of dresses to find the one that fits. It isn’t just about how you look in it. It is about how comfortable you are in it, how strong the material is, and whether it is your style or not. If you only try on one dress, how will you ever know if another one might have looked better?

1  You only live once, YOLO. You only get one go around on this earth, or at least that is the most common belief. If you only date one person at a time you limit the amount of people that you get to know and have a good time with. Stop trying so hard to find “the one” right away and play the field while you can. As long as you are honest, there is nothing wrong with living it up while you can. 

2  Comparison shopping is always the best. When you are with one person, there is no way to comparison shop. I know people aren’t commodities, or things you buy on the internet. But, just like shopping, if you can’t compare one thing to another, how are you supposed to know which is right for you? When you date multiple people, you compare and contrast how they handle things, which you have more fun with, and which one you think about most of the time. Comparison shopping is essential for finding the best match.

3  If you stick to one person, you might get stuck. Sometimes when you date only one person, there is a natural order to things. What I mean is that there are steps that you are expected to take.One day you wake up, and you are to the point where you are serious and supposed to make the next move like move in or marriage. You haven’t even had the time to really think about what you are doing. Choosing someone for life shouldn’t be about making the next step because it is expected or what you are supposed to do. 

4  You are too young to get serious. If you are too young to be serious about getting serious, then only going out with one person might teach you about how to be monogamous. But, is now really the time for that? Being young is about trial and error and finding out what you want and who you are. If you date the same person throughout your entire childhood, how do you know that there isn’t someone better suited out there that just might pass you by? Being young is about experimenting. Experiment the hell out of relationships while you have the chance.

5  You aren’t sure what you want. If you don’t know what you want out of life or out of a relationship, you aren’t going to find out by staying serious with just one person. Look around and find out what you want out of life, and that is about exploring the many fish in the sea to find out which one you want to swim around with forever after.

6  Your relationships always seem to get too close too fast. If you are the person who always has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, then there is a likelihood that you have a problem standing on your own two feet or being comfortable being alone. When you date multiple people, you aren’t relying on someone to be your everything. You are your own strength, and the people you come to know are accessories—not your everything. Being monogamous doesn’t make you a better person morally all the time.

Sometimes it just makes you fearful of being alone and the unknown of not having someone to lean on.

7  You know in your heart you aren’t ready for a commitment. If you know that this is not the time in your life where you are ready to make a commitment for life, then don’t limit yourself to one person and one relationship. It isn’t fair for you to only be with one person if that is not what you want or are ready for.

And, it definitely isn’t fair to that other person if they think that you are and that is where y’all are headed.

8  You don’t want to lead someone on. It is good to date multiple people so that the person you are with doesn’t think they are something more special than they are to you. All too often we keep someone around as a cushion until we find someone better and jump ship.

That isn’t fair to anyone. If you aren’t sure that the person you are currently with is the right one for you, dating multiple people lets them know they are free to do the same and tells them where your head is at. If they can’t take it, then they aren’t the one for you. 

9  You are at your sexual peak. If you are at your sexual peak, enjoy the ride. The valley isn’t as much fun. Being young is about exploration and memories for a lifetime. Involved in that is reckless abandonment *with a condom, of course*.

Don’t forego those fun times by getting too serious too fast. They won’t ever be back again.

10  You just got out of a super bad relationship, don’t settle for a rebound. If you just got out of a bad relationship or a serious one that you thought was the one, don’t start looking for something serious to hop into. The rebound person is never the right one, and not dating multiple people after a bad breakup can have you making poor decisions that potentially alter the rest of your life.

Emotional heartbreak makes us do some pretty stupid things. Give yourself some time to heal before you get too serious again.

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IMPORTANT THINGS YOU MUST DISCUSS IN A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP

All relationships aren’t the same. and the status of your relationship has a lot to do with the things you and your partner talk about.While conversations come naturally as two people start dating and falling in love with each other, there are a few conversations that can help create a perfect relationship over time.

So are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned long term relationship?

Conversations between couples have to be fun and yet, illuminating. and here are a few great things to talk about for couples that can keep the excitement and the love glowing strong.

Things to talk about in all relationships

Irrespective of your relationship status, here are a few conversation tips that can help both of you understand each other and create new exciting conversations that can keep the relationship alive even when it doesn’t involve love and mush.

•  Daily individual lives

Talk about each other’s daily events and activities. It can help both of you understand more about each other’s lives. Most couples ignore these conversations and end up drifting away from each other in no time.

•  Movies and TV shows

Movies and television shows are perfect conversation makers for all couples. They provide for hours of gossiping and interesting conversations with a fresh perspective every day.

•  Crushes and second glances

Do you think someone in your workplace is attractive? Or is someone from the third floor trying to catch your attention by trying to flirt with you? Talk to your partner about it. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but these conversations can actually bring both of you more closer than ever before and even eliminate insecurities.

•  Hobbies and interests

Do you like clubbing, painting or playing games? Talk about it with your partner. Our hobbies and interests change all the time, and keeping a lover in the loop will help both of you understand each other’s likes and dislikes better.

• Silent conversations

Silence is a beautiful thing in any relationship. Just being able to sit next to each other without feeling awkward or having to worry about what to talk about is a sign of a perfect relationship already. But then again, are you both being comfortable with each other or just ignoring each other?

Things to talk about in new relationships

New relationships are more fun and exciting, it’s touchy feely, sexy and doesn’t involve a hint of long term relationship just yet. You may be floating on the bubble of infatuation and everything may just seem perfect. If you want your relationship to stay the same forever, talk about serious issues in a lighter vein and avoid any long term plans unless both of you are definitely serious about the relationship. Here are a few great things to talk about in a new relationship.

• Goals and focus in life

New relationships are exciting and mysterious, but it helps a lot to start understanding each other’s goals and aspirations in life early in the relationship to avoid the pain of being stuck in a relationship with two different goals and ideologies towards life.

• New places to see together

Talking about new places to spend the weekend together can be a lot of fun in a new relationship. Do you have a few favorite hangouts where you like to spend a few hours over the weekend? Or did you just hear about a new restaurant or a movie that you definitely have to check out? Talk about it.

• Gossip about each other’s lives

Talk about either of your friends and their relationships, talk about work and talk about either of your favorite shows on TV. In a new relationship, even the most mundane of conversations can make your partner’s eyes light up. Help both of you understand each other’s friends, interests and everything else with happy gossip.

•  Lifestyle and habits

What does your partner like doing over the weekend? How long do they take to dress up for a night out? How long do they spend playing games every evening? What about vacations, family, pets, hobbies, and all the works? Whew, couples in a new relationship have so many exciting things to talk about, don’t they?! Use these conversations to learn about each other’s lifestyles and interests. It can help judge your compatibility for the long term.

• Past relationships

Past relationships are suspense thrillers in the dating scenario. We want to talk about it, but yet, we’re too scared to talk about it before we feel like the time is right.

Don’t talk about past relationships until you’re a few months into a new relationship, unless of course, it crops up out of the blue into a conversation. Hiding facts about past relationships or revealing them too soon can create insecurities and confusions that could damage a relationship before it’s had the time to create a strong foundation. 

Things to talk about in seasoned long term relationships

Long term relationships are not easy to experience, but if you’ve been past a few years and are still deeply in love with each other, well, kudos to you!

Here are a few things to talk about in a long term relationship that will ensure that both of you still think along the same lines. After all, a perfect long term relationship isn’t defined by two people in love with each other. It is defined by two people who love each other and understand each other more than anyone else in the world.

•  Talk about finances

Finances and money issues play a big part in any long term relationship. And monetary satisfaction in a long term relationship can be achieved only if both partners discuss ways to save money, invest money and spend money.

• Your future together and paired goals

One of the satisfying conversations of a long term relationship is the one involving future plans and goals in life. Talk about your dreams and aspirations with your partner and make sure you know your partner’s wants and dreams in life too.

Sometimes we assume we know everything about our partner, but it takes a few conversations and exchange of ideas to truly understand each other instead of making wrong assumptions.

•  Vacations and getaways

Vacations are a happy time for every partner. Both of you may work hard all year long and may want to look forward to something exciting and pleasurable to renew the excitement of love and life. Talk about vacations, even if you intend to travel several months later. 

Talking about breaks and romantic getaways can fill both of you with a surge of happiness and motivation even if there are a lot of hurdles and pain today.

•  Kids and family

Families may seem perfect on the outside, but every one of them has a few cracks that can be a minor annoyance. Discuss about family matters and how either of you can deal with it. Talk about kids and their lives ahead. And if you don’t have kids just yet, talk about when you intend to have them and how you can plan for them. Conversations like these are better spoken earlier than later.

•  Intellectual conversations and emotional growth

In a perfect relationship, both partners must be able to predict each other’s thinking and behavior. But it doesn’t end with little odd jobs or happy surprises.

Life is a complex experience that’s as unique as we are. Have intellectual conversations about life, the paths people choose, the hurdles both of you have overcome and mysterious forces that both of you believe in. When you grow emotionally and intellectually as a couple, both of you will come closer to each other, spiritually and intellectually. And if that doesn’t make for a perfect couple, what does?

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Datng Married Men, Is Not a Sin - Singer, Mzbel

Ghanaian singer, Belinda Nana Ekua Amoah popularly known as Mzbel has sparked social media reaction once again after she revealed her take on dating and marrying already married men.

The controversial singer who was rumored to be in romantic relationship with the former president of Ghana, John Dramani Mahama, stated in a recent interview that she sees nothing wrong in dating married men.

The singer added that she doesn’t believe in Jesus Christ, she further added that her view of the religion is that it’s more likened to idol worshiping.

Speaking during an interview with Zionfelix on Radio Univers’ Brunch2Lunch entertainment show, the singer said: “My religion allows a man to marry as many as he wants so the ladies in Judaism accept the act. So far as he takes good care of you and does not give you problem, then you are good to be with him. Dating or marrying married man is not a big deal.”

She continued: The lady can also marry a married man but it has to be just one person in your life unlike a man who is allowed to marry even more than twenty women and be descent with them. If I am dating a married man I won’t be ashamed of it

“I am not dating a married man but if I am I won’t be shamed of it because God permits it. In the old testament, Solomon and others had plenty concubines. The only thing a married man cannot do is to take another man’s wife.”

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6 SPEECH THAT RUINS URGE DURING SEX

1. Do you love me?

As you might have heard, sex is more physical for men and emotional for women. And while clarifying issues of the heart is not a bad thing, many men would rather have you discuss it before or after sex… not during.

2. What are we now?

This is another example of how women quickly merge sex and emotions [mind you, no one is saying it’s a bad thing. Women usually reserve this question till after sex, but for some reason, some babes pop it during the act.  Let’s assume you didn’t know men find it unsexy. Now you do. So, stop it!

3. What are you trying to do?

This is after you have probably been kissing and touching his body and letting him feel yours for about 10 or 15 minutes. Please, ladies, stop asking this question because, of course, you know he’s not trying to undress you for academic or medical purposes! So why ruin the moment with this kinda question???

4. Do you think I’m overweight?

Weight is one sensitive issue that many women are insecure about and this, of course, is what makes them ask the question. But, hey, aren’t y’all having sex already? Doesn’t that tell you that he has no qualms about what your body looks or feelslike??? It’s better to clear this issue before you both get naked. Seriously. Besides, there are men who love big women. When in doubt, just assume he's one of those guys and enjoy the moment. Even if he now happens to not like your body, the best time to discuss it is not during sex. Wait till afterwards.

5. What about the money I asked from you?

LOL. Think this is just plain and simple blackmail, really. Women know men would say and grant any request during sex and they just exploit it. Later, these same women will say men are scum.

6. Aren’t you done?

Well, now I am.

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