You’ve met the love of your life and you’re
thinking about popping the question. It’s an exciting time, but a nerve-racking
one too! Marriage is a big commitment and all anybody wants to hear when the
time comes to get down on one knee is “Yes”.
But, before you get carried away, here are a few
things to consider to make sure you’re both ready for the next step:
1. Have you had the marriage chat?
The chances are that it’s come up at some point –
it’s hard to avoid the subject with friends tying the knot, proposals
documented on social media, and endless TV shows about all things weddings. But
has your partner said explicitly that they would like to get married?
“There’s a risk when you’ve met the man or woman
of your dreams that you can get overexcited and project your own desires onto
them.”
You want to show the world your love with a
wedding, but they might not see nuptials as the way to demonstrate their
commitment. They may wish to stay in a relationship in the long term, but not
want the formalities of marriage.
Be sure you know they feel the same way about it
as you do, to make sure you’ll get the response you’re looking for.
2. Do you know enough about each other?
For most people, the days of having to wait until
you’re married to move in together and really get to know one another are over.
Nowadays people tend to put their relationship to the test before saying “I do”
to give themselves the best chance of a long and happy life together. And it’s
no bad thing.
You learn a lot about a person when you move in.
Think back to any housemates you had at university, or living with your
siblings at home. Everybody has their habits and foibles so you need to know
you can put up with them, and that they’re OK with yours too.
Have you taken a holiday as a couple yet? Because
that teaches you even more about each other. Time away just the two of you,
with travel hurdles to jump and unknown cities, towns,
and beaches to explore really opens your eyes to each other’s personalities.
And it gives you a nice chunk of time to chat properly too – without the
distraction of work or friends or whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher at
home.
“Every relationship should face a crisis or two
before anybody starts planning a wedding.”
Seeing each other at your lowest, or having to
tackle a difficult situation together will test just how strong you are – and
how good you are at being supportive through tricky times.
Everybody wants to marry somebody who’s their best
friend, and you only give that title to somebody you know inside out.
3. Where are you in your lives?
Are there things you’ve said you’d like to do
before you get married? Do you want to buy a property together first? Or would
you like to do some traveling and then
settle down? Or are there career milestones you want to achieve before tying
the knot? Do you know what kind of wedding you’d both want? Do you have enough
money for that at the moment?
Of course, you don’t have to get married straight
away – you could enjoy a long engagement before any kind of ceremony takes
place. You just need to make sure you both know what you want. You don’t have
to know every detail, just that your lives are broadly heading in the same
direction.
4. Do you know where you both stand on the big
life issues?
Life will bring enough surprises you can’t
control, so try to avoid letting what you want
coming out of the blue too. Have you talked about whether you want to have
children? Or if you have ambitions to go and live overseas? Or if you have
career aspirations that would mean a significant change to your lifestyle?
If you have conflicting aspirations, you’ll need
to have a serious conversation before committing to spending your life together. Otherwise,
you might find that further down the line you’re having to compromise on something you don’t want to give up.
When you know where you stand on all of these
points, you’re ready to start planning that proposal! Make sure that you want
the same things and that you’re giving your relationship the best chance of
success, then you can focus on how you’re going to ask that all important
question and bring about one of the most exciting moments of your lives.
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